Our first IUI cycle didn't work. I don't know if this was to be expected but I sure was hoping for something else. Anyhow, I mostly just want to say that if there is anyone out there who is considering starting treatment and who is as scared as I was , well it was not at all as bad as I thought or imagined it would be. I did not get any of the side effects I so dreaded. I started with Gonal-F (on a low dose: 75 IU) for the first days of my cycle, that is, from days 3 to 10. The injections did not really hurt, or maybe just a little bit, kind of like when you feel a mosquito is biting you? And then it's over? The boy was the one injecting me and we had a whole little ritual to make it "fun": we would play a song, most frequently my new favorite, "The origin of love", I made sure I was not looking and he would make sure to talk me so I would be distracted. Then we danced a little dance. As for the medical appointments, the biologist in me was fascinated and quite excited to actually see the follicles grow. I was also expecting a "stronger" reaction from my body. I only had 1 dominant follicle, and another one that stopped growing at 14 mm (the aim is to get them to 18-22 mm). But the doctors said it's all normal, and they are cautious as overstimulation is not a good thing either. The trigger shot (hCG) to release the egg was done at the hospital by a very nice nurse, and this is the one shot that hurt. It didn't hurt when it was done, but it left me a painful bruise that lasted 2 days or so. Nothing too bad. As for the IUI, well, it is about as uncomfortable as getting a Pap smear, but you feel it even less as there is no sample to be taken. Then came the hopeful wating phase. Oh yes, those last 14 days I was on progesterone suppositories, which were weird but doable. Again I did not really feel anything unusual. Except, my super regular period came 4 days late, and there we were, almost certain it had happened cause I am NEVER delayed more than a day. I should have known it was normal to be late, but I guess the hope was stronger. What makes it so hard is that you are always hoping for this egg, for this month. If someone would come and tell us, if you just endure this another x times, you will get there. If our odds were cumulative it would be more bearable. But this constant gambling, the uncertainty, is enough to make anyone crazy. It seems to me that the only time hormones really do have an effect on me is when it all comes crashing down, at the end of a cycle, and then I feel like the world is ending, like my faith is dying, like I just can't do it anymore, can't take it any second longer. But then we gather all the pieces and start hoping again. Please, science, do your magic.