A couple of treats

Lately, I have been thinking about how becoming a mother has changed something fundamental in me. I am still trying to find the words, but Lauren and Bits and Peaces have expressed some of it quite well:
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"Having a baby made me free. Free to say no, to say yes, to live directly in the moment. (...). I feel like I have a firm grip on what exactly is important and what is not."

" And then? Motherhood. I began to chafe against the role of being “the one” who goes to takes the baby to bed while everyone else stays up and enjoys themselves. I cringed at having to give up my own meal to take care of my baby.... The new me has no room for selfishness. Because, frankly, even though I didn’t feel like I could push him out, the truth is – I did. And even though the breastfeeding seemed inhumanely hard – it is now one of my favorite interactions with my baby. And even though I may not like being “the one” who does the majority of the work – I’m learning to do it. And the major difference is I am learning to do these things and be these things innately, minus the resentment or frustration." 
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I have become efficient. I no longer worry about irrelevant things, procrastinate doing the dishes of the day until the last possible second before starting to cook again or lose inordinate amounts of time reading one article, after another, watching videos and pictures of cats.  But I get tired, and lack of sleep makes me very irritable and short-tempered. I particularly remember one evening, after we'd had visits, crying in Mark's arms about how I got to do all the work, all the time, and how it was everyone else who got to enjoy our baby, to hold her when she was calm and peaceful. It was my own particular drama about how everyone forgets the mom (and though I cringe as I write this down, and it is certainly not my proudest moment, the feeling is not unusual).

And then there was the day where a very dear aunt pretty much forced me to go out of the house without baby Yu, since she's been home with us, for the first time, for fun. She took us to the  Royal Theater Carré in Amsterdam, to watch a ballet on the beauty of life. It was hard. It meant I didn't get to breastfeed her for at least 2 feedings in a row... and I had ringing in my ears all the advice I'd read about how you should not ever use a bottle before 3 months. And I had to disconnect and release the bond and trust that everything was going to be fine, because she was in the best hands that she could be in (her dad's).

That's when I started feeling like my old, old self again. I got to dress up, wear a pretty blouse, read a book in the train. And just for fun I painted my nails coral and I wear stripey-sandals around the house, in my pretend summer.

This is a non-sponsored post part of the Give yourself a Raise campaign of Raise. (Raise is a new marketplace to buy and sell gift cards on the web.  With the extra money you can save on discount gift cards to your favorite brands, you can spend more on the things you love.) The campaign focuses on the importance of rewarding yourself for all the hard work you put in every day, of taking time out for you!  Whether it be something as simple as indulging in your favorite dessert, or buying a new pair of shoes...  

What are your favorite ways to treat yourself? Sometimes a book and a cup of tea can make all the difference. And I could spend hours and hours in a bookstore. Now if only I could learn how to do the Smokey-eye makeup...