Fantasies of being a young mom, and finding joy when life happens.

I always thought I would have babies easily. After all, when you grow up watching MTV’s  16 and pregnant you end up afraid of getting pregnant, not the opposite. In my fantasies I dreamt of being a young mom, something about having the energy of youth and the crazy recklessness that comes with it appealed to me.  In high school I always thought if I had an “accident” I would keep the baby, be happy, and go on to become a doctor as well. Of course, that was not a possibility since at that time I was not even dating anyone, let alone sleeping with boys. 

To continue reading head over to 'Any Other Woman'. I am honored they are sharing my story.

Woman fail? Choices?

 I am part of a generation that grew up being told that “women can do anything they set themselves up to”. This is the generation that could finally enjoy the fruits (voting, an education, birth control…) of years of struggling and fighting that started with our grandmothers, if not earlier. From grades 5 through 9, I went to an all-girls hardcore catholic school where we were led into believing that we were going to be “agents of change”, that it was our calling to make a difference in the world. We had classes and conferences by empowering role-models, successful, worldly ladies, explaining how women, by their own psychological complexion were ideal candidates to reach the very top of all kinds of businesses and professional roles, as values such as compassion, empathy, connection and our innate ability to communicate were natural to us girls. At the same time we received parallel messages telling us of our important role in the home, how we were meant to be the pillars of our families, how a feminine touch (like leaving flowers by your husbands’ workplace or knowing how to cook a perfect meal, complete with sauce hollandaise) could make the difference in a bad day. How we were to be the rock of our husbands and families. They went on to explain that all of these things were our duty along with other things like managing the household’s budget frugally and efficiently, and yes, emphasizing how our main and most important mission along with all of the above was to procreate and take care of all the children that would be sent to us (those were the words they used!!!). 

Trying to succeed at all of those spheres at the same time sounded contradictory. We might be super girls, smart and funny, tough yet romantic, but I have not yet discovered my own superpowers.  I cannot be in two places at the same time and I certainly don’t have any control over my crazy hormones. There are so many cultural messages, coming from media, literature, our education, telling us what we are supposed to do. If you take a dip in Art history, starting with the earliest civilizations, one of the first pieces that you study are Venus statues. Those big stone women with a huge belly and big breasts, the earliest dating back to 35,000 – 40,000 years ago, were already telling us that our uttermost important role was (and is?) to bring new humans to the planet.  From them on, the role of women in society has very slowly changed, but has, overall been limited to the backstage scenes. Through high-school and university I really enjoyed reading “The Second Sex” by Simone de Beauvoir. Her in depth study about the female condition along time and history is so clear and straight forward that I formed my own ideas and ended up convinced that yes, against all odds, us girls were ready to join Pinky and the Brain and take over the World. 

So what does being a woman mean in 2013? Apparently it means that we can finally “have it all”. When I hear such claims I can only laugh. And when I see women discussing these issues  and tearing each other down because apparently whatever you do it will be wrong,  I can only conclude that we haven’t quite figured it out just yet. It is so sad, this fight between "women”: it seems that whatever choices are made someone will come to tell you how you are not doing it right. And one can only assume that we are all intelligent beings, making the best choices that we can, with the resources, possibilities and information that we have in our hands. We are all just trying to make our best. 

As I go through life being unemployed regardless of the fact that I have two scientific degrees, while, at the same time I struggle with what the medical community refers to as infertility (though I refuse to use that term), I think of my junior-high school days and wonder what I did wrong, and when. If I am to judge myself according to the standards I was taught I am clearly failing in all womanly spheres at the same time. 

And then I read the news and it breaks my heart (not to mention enrages me) to learn that little girls are sometimes not even allowed to be born, and when they are, they are mutilated, they are  forced to work, forced into arranged marriages, are not allowed to study or pursue their dreams, cannot be independent or get positions of power.

It is international woman’s day and I think there is still a fight to be had. We have to fight so that every girl and woman gets the choice to live the life she wants. We have to change the structures in society to ensure that professional success and a family can finally be compatible. And among us girls that have been lucky/blessed enough to enjoy such luxuries as an education, the right to work and develop careers, the choice to have children (or not) to stay at home (or not), to go and work in the world (or to do so from the living room, while dressed in pajamas), to be scientists, lawyers, politicians, doctors, writers, to make a difference… so much kindness is needed. I seriously wish we would just start being nicer to each other, we would stop the judgments, because the beauty of feminism, is that we can *choose* who we want to be.  This fight is not over and we should make it possible for every woman and girl in the planet to be able to make these choices for herself. 

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It's International Women's Day. Over at 'Any Other Woman', there will be a day long extravaganza of posts, where many of us will share views and stories (or art, poems, photos) on what it means to be a Woman, today, in 2013. Head over there, I am sure there will be wisdom galore.

Images via here ,  here and here. 

A tribute to Barcelona

 It was thanks to Tania's guest post that I first heard of Kaitlin from 'A Georgia peach abroad', an American girl finding her way in The Netherlands. Kaitlin is currently busy studying international tourism management. A little bit for fun, and also, as part for her thesis, she has started a guest-post series called: "For the love of travel". If, like me,  you love to travel, feel free to send her a guest post with your own travel tips and experiences. This is how it works.

And while we're at it, head over there to read what I wrote on one of my favorite cities in the World, the lovely, magical Barcelona.

Of books and exams

 My AOW bookswap parcel finally arrived. Thanks Chirsty :) I felt like a child waiting for Christmas day, and when I took the little packages out of the envelope I let them sit in the table and stared at their beautiful wrappings and ribbons for a while. Then I could not wait anymore and I had to open them. I am a spoiled girl. Chirsty did not send me one, but two books, both of which I haven't read. The first one: "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy had been on my 'should-read-this-book' list for a long time, and I believe it will fit perfectly with my mantra for 2013: 'joy all year'. The second book I got is "Love in time of cholera" by Gabriel García Márquez, another classic, which I haven't read. I will make the boy read it too, because he has to get an introduction to magic realism.

In case anyone is curious (because you all know I'm an oversharer), I'll delight you with  my  answers to the AOW book swap questionnaire, which you had to answer before it got sent to your assigned swapper and with which hopefully your magic pen pal (anyone who makes books arrive to my doorstep is magical) would hope to find a book you'd like. Oh and if you are curious about other people's answers (notably Aisling, Anna and Clare, who organized it, plus some of us in the comments go here). And here's a glimpse of what other people have gotten. Pretty packages are the best thing ever aren't they?

- Who is your favourite author?

Julio Cortazar, Milan Kundera, Herman Hesse 
 

-What is your favourite book of all time and how would you describe it in three words?

Rayuela (Hopscotch, Julio Cortazar). Magic, Coincidences/Serendipity, Love-story-in-Paris.

  

-What was the best book you read in 2012 - again, describe in 3 words?

 Leonora, by Elena Poniatowska. It is the biography of Elena Carrington. Fascinating, Rebel, Animal lover, ahead of her time.

  

-What was your least favourite book you read in 2012 and why - in no more than 50 words?

 The particular sadness of lemon cake by Aimee bender. I found the story disturbing, I had to re-read the ending several times to make sure I understood correctly. It made me feel very sad (though, the fact that written words made me feel physically ill says something about how the author succeeded at putting feelings into words, and that is I think the definition of art.)
 

- If you could only take 3 books to a desert island, what would they be?

 The chronicles of Narnia, Rayuela (Hopscotch), The fairy tales of Hans Christian Andersen, And.... Alice in Wonderland

-What was your favourite book as a child?
Hans Christian Andersen-s fairy tales, I read the Chronicles of Narnia later, when I was around 12, and loved them too. 

This is how the package I sent looked like, though the book I sent is not the one on the photo, but "Tear this heart out" ('Arráncame la vida, by Angeles Mastretta). I saw the idea of drawing on envelopes on pinterest and totally had to try it.

Oh and I have some good news. Remember I took the NT2-II (official exam of Dutch as a second language) at the end of January? Well the results were released yesterday and I passed! I couldn't believe it, I was sure I had to redo at least one part, but no, I passed it all. I might have spent the whole afternoon jumping up and down while singing: "ik ben geslaagd, ik ben geslaagd, ik ben geslaagd, ik ben geslaagd!".  I keep trying to convince the boy that I should get this dress in reward of my efforts (too bad it is obscenely expensive).

A walk in Leiden

 Leiden is such a nice city to wander in. In the last month we've been there 2 or 3 times. It is different to other Dutch cities in that the center is kind of scattered around the water, and along one main street, but the canals are not all over the place like they are in Amsterdam. It is a beautiful medieval city, its renowned university is the oldest of the country, founded in 1575, and Queens Juliana, Beatrix and soon-to-be-king Willem Alexander have all been former students. Funnily enough, the half-moons on the cornice of the façade of its City Hall, in the BreeStraat allude to the 'Sea Beggars' slogan: "Rather Turkish than Papist" (Liever Turks dan Paaps).

 If you find yourself there, don't miss the Boerhave Museum or ice-cream and chocolates. I also recently discovered that the 2nd-hand bookshop De Slegte in Leiden* is huge (I mean 4 floors high), and full of surprises (there is even a section dedicated to books in other languages, and you can get novels from 2 or 3 EUR). Flying Tiger just recently opened a new shop in the Breestraat (on number 139) and I fell in love. It has all kinds of cute colorful and design things for the house (flower pots, washi tape, mugs, paper goods and everything in between) for some really good prices. While it is still a small city, it has its charm and lots of hidden treasures, like walls with poems in Catalan, Spanish, French and Italian scattered around. I dare you to find them!

*De Slegte in Leiden is at Breestraat 73.

Countdown to Spring.

 I am loving this year. There is so much going on: having some kind of rough schedule / goals for each month and actively focusing on being aware of the little gems of everyday is really working. Do you realize that as of today, we only have to wait 20 days for Spring? I can already smell it, in fact it is all over the place. The days are longer, there is light in the morning and when the boy comes home, there are flowers in bloom here and there and you can already get tulips.

  February flied away. I have been busy with a soon-not-to-be-secret project which I am very excited about, I had a job interview (but I am not getting my hopes up just yet as the competition is very harsh, that, I know), we celebrated the arrival of the year of the Snake (Dim sums at home anyone), which was also an excuse to clean and organize my closet and realize I really needed new shoes. Then I discovered all about Lupercalia, we saw friends pretty much every weekend, we started salsa lessons… Looking back it was quite a full month no wonder it felt fast (to be accurate it’s also a short month).

 And there is more. Today we will babysit our favorite kids in the World (but we will certainly miss their baby sister). I am planning on baking banana muffins with them; yesterday I was literally dancing around when my Oscar-special gossip was delivered straight in the mailbox. I found some delicious (and throat soothing) Swiss candy that reminds me of old times, I had a pretty fabric arrive in a perfectly packaged bundle (thanks Sol) and I started reading a new book (that I had been wanting to read for a long time and found serendipitously  for 2 GBP at a British Red Cross shop while in London.) What are you up to? Do you have plans for the weekend? Any exciting projects? Or just chilling in the couch with a movie is your plan?