Yesterday was one of those difficult long days that seems not to end and when nothing seems to get better. We went to the doctor, where I had to fight with nurses to finally be listened to by a gynaecologist who understands (even if the damage can't be undone, as I don't have Hermione's time turner). The end result is more seemingly fruitless waiting. Then I came home, poured myself a big cup of tea (more like made a teapot of Moroccan mint with honey infusion) and read Fiona's post on finding the joy in the middle of the winter. As always, her wisdom struck me:
<<There’s a proverb that says, “All the days of the afflicted are bad, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast”. To me this says, yes there will be dark days and difficult days. But your outlook, your perspective on them can make an amazing difference. Do I stay glum and complaining and pity myself, or do I choose to recognise every gift in my life, however small.>>
So I made some more tea. I finished one of the books I was reading (at this moment I am reading several books in parallel), I made potatoes with butter, cheese, salt, pepper and some mayonnaise, I watched Raising Helen and Girls with the husband even if Hannah/Lena Dunham never fails to annoy me, we cuddled in the couch, we analysed and studied and thought and concluded that in the grand scheme of things we are still in the path to our pregnancy and baby, and we had some Stracciatella ice-cream together.
Bad days and anxiety-ridden times happen to the best of us, I know that. And our reactions really are in our hands. And sometimes you really need to have a good cry (or two) in the same day. And then you realize you are supported by many people, some of who you have only met cybernetically, so to speak (Thanks!). Anyhow, I hope you are all having a good week. Let's hope for happy times together, or better, make those times happen.
* First image credit.
Oh, it must be so frustrating if you have to argue with medical professionals to get the treatment you need. I'm sorry that you had to fight them. Hopefully next time they'll be more on top of your cycle.
ReplyDeleteAs for Lena Dunham, I've never seen her act, but I saw her on the Daily Show and thought she was fantastic. In part because she shows her femininity in a way that makes me feel comfortable with mine (that's a long story :P), but also because she struck me as someone who has a lot of talent, but is still very down to earth.
Have you ever heard of Fran Lebowitz, by the way? I watched a documentary about her (Public Speaking) and thought it was hilarious. Maybe you'll like it too. Are you into witty, snarky writers?
Thanks :) The doctors are actually good and professional, it is just that the whole thing functions with so much protocol and standards and bureaucracy and getting past that can sometimes be a struggle.
DeleteLena Dunham has a lot of talent, and her show is for sure portraying something to which most of us can identify (trying to make it in your 20s while being broke in the middle of an economic crisis, realizing that the "dream" you had been sold (study hard, get to college, get good grades, do internships, find a great job that will make you happy) is just a fantasy, and many other things. But her particular character (Hannah) is just so selfish, self-centered, entitled and socially clueless that I´m always saying: "How can she be so mean" to the screen when I watch her, getting upset about her, I just don't get her. The other characters though, are more interesting. Specially Shoshana. Another thing that I don't like about Hanna / Lena Dunham is that she is getting all this attention for being "happy on her own skin" based on the fact that she is naked on every single chapter on all kinds of situations (not just sex, also, random nakedness like peeing in the middle of a train station in front of other people), but her character is SO insecure that I don't really see how showing herself is a). empowering or b). an example / role model (it´s not like she makes you aspire to be like her, like say, Jennifer Lawrence or Adele or Drew Barrymore or... that girl from Mad Men., or like she has a message like Lady Gaga. On the contrary you watch the show and find yourself thinking "Please never let me be like her" so I don't see how that can be a good example for teenagers / young adults that are still figuring it out).
I haven't heard of Fran Lebowitz but I will google her right now :) You did read Caitlin Moran right? (Moranthology is still on my list,it's just such an expensive book, though. And Ellen Degeneres wrote another one that I am very curious about, her I really really like she's so much fun and smart too).
I agree, it's so frustrating when doctors don't listen. I had some issues of my own and no one seemed to listen/care. They said the tests were fine... but anyway, I hope you're able to get the treatment you need. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I will be thinking of you too, hope everything is fine / or gets better. Hugs
DeleteI'm sorry you had a hard time making your voice heard. The waiting often feels like it's endless and is very frustrating. I think of you a lot as I go through this journey myself and hope that you're taking care of yourself (it sounds like you are) x
ReplyDeleteThanks Donna, I think about you too, always sending love and energy to you (and everyone in this boat).
DeleteI'm so sorry you've been facing a rough time, but glad you finally got through to someone who understood your situation...As you know, I understand that only too well!
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, I have EXACTLY the same ambivalence about Girls/Lena Dunham. I admit that despite it's privileged, narrow focus, I actually find the show quite entertaining (and maybe even reminiscent of my youth in some ways? *cringe*), but Dunham herself is the empitome of that entitled, self-aware hypocrisy in some ways. I would call myself a feminist, but recently I read an interview where she applied the same lable to herself, and it made me a little embarrassed (because I don't think people in her position have even a clue about the struggles that most women face). I do admire her though for being so confident in her own skin and being so in-your-face about celebrating it.
Here's hoping we find the strength to make our own happy times and feel blessed. Hugs to you.
Thanks :) Good luck to you to.
DeleteI also find the show interesting, like I said above in response to smittenimmigrant, they talk / portray situations to which we can all identify / have been there in one way or another. And like I said above... showing herself naked for me, doesn't equal to being comfortable in her skin or celebrating it. I mean, if anything, watching the show just makes you get body issues you did not have in the first place because of how insecure she is. I don't know. I see other girls (like Adele or Jennifer Lawrence) being more of an example of confidence.)
You make some interesting points that provide a whole new way for me to be concerned about the phenomenon...Ha!
DeleteI love Adele's attitude! Also, I've been thinking of reading 'How to be a Woman', since I kind of like Caitlin Moran's Times column.
I'm so sorry to hear that things went so rough yesterday. When it's already such a hard road to where you want to be it seems so unfair for more hurdles to be thrown in your way. Having to fight to get medical professionals to listen to you about your body is hard and frustrating and it sucks that's what it took to find someone who would at least listen, even if they couldn't fix things.
ReplyDeleteThanks :) I think it will get better... slowly. This doctor that had us at the end is so nice, very professional, but he also treats you like a person.
DeleteI am sorry it was not a great appointment yesterday. I hope today treats you better my friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks ! Yesterday was better . We had the IUI done anyway (if blindly), the doctor said that we might be on the edge, but "miracles" happen (he did not say miracles, but he say it *could* still happen) so we remain optimistic while trying not to get our hopes up too fast (such a difficult balance). Basically now we wait.
DeleteYour ability to stay positive in the midst of bad days is inspiring. Thank you very much for sharing. I really appreciate it :)
ReplyDeleteIt can be hard, but, like Fiona said,it is also a conscious choice to find the little positive things. If I paid too much attention to the negative feelings, if I nurtured them or spent lots of time and energy in that I feel like I would fall deep and down in dark stuff. Like this metaphor (Cherokee story) I read somewhere:
Delete"My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
-One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
-The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grand son thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
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I am glad you appreciate this :)
thinking of you lots - so frustrating not to be listened to or taken seriously... but really hoping they'll come around soon! take care of yourselves.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much ! I think it will get better, it's just so much protocol and bureaucracy and rules.... the structured ways of "nordic" countries (I am so used to bending the rules when the situation needs it specially if it is a medical emergency.
Delete*Not that this was an "emergency" but in a way it was, because if you lose the eggs (If I start ovulating by myself, like I did, because they did not listen to me), then you can not time the rest of the procedure ideally and you are just shooting blindly. Which in any case we are.
HUGS. xx
ReplyDelete:) Hugs to you too ! And thanks for the support and inspiring words all the time!
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