Apple and banana oatmeal bars

 I made these oatmeal bars for Y.'s birthday in the form of little bears and ever since then she has been repeatedly asking for them: "Bobbi, Bobbi, Bobbi, eten". Last Monday, after we finally made them again she insisted on bringing some to her favorite teacher. We wrapped them in silk paper and a ribbon and she had them ready in her little backpack.  Toddlers are full of feelings! We arrived at school in the morning, she took them and excitedly gave them to her teacher, happily. Then we left the room to go upstairs to her classroom and she started crying and crying like she suddenly realized giving something meant letting go off it as well. It took her a bit to process it, she talked about the incident on the days that followed, we emphasized how kind and thoughtful it was for her to share her cookies, eventhough it also made her a bit sad to give them away.

Anyhow, these are so good, easy and healthy that I thought I'd post the recipe.

You will need :
4 apples
4 bananas
3 tbsp. honey
270 gr. oats
a bit of cinammon
150 gr. raisins and dried cranberries

What to do: 
Preheat the oven to 200ºC. Peel and grate the apples. Drain the excess liquid using a sieve (but don't throw it a way, save it and drink it: it is delicious, fresh apple juice). Mash the bananas. Mix the fruit with the oney, oats, cinnamon and dried fruits.

Line an oven tray with parchment paper. I used a cookie cutter to give the bars the form of bears and spooned the mix into the form, then gently lifted it. Bake for 25-30 minutes and let cool. Enjoy!

Wishful thinking

 I have been thinking a lot about whether or not to write about this. It makes me feel selfish and guilty and ungrateful. But I can't  be the only one going through this and I am putting it out there because we should be able to talk about the things that no one dares or wants to talk about. Not at baby groups, not at birthday parties, not with other moms, or even with friends. You never know what other people might be going through, it is so difficult to share without accidentally hurting someone. 

We would like to have another baby. I am longing so, so hard to be pregnant again. It is becoming  very difficult to bear, so much it hurts. Scenario number 1: we go to a kids' party and I can't help but notice all the moms with kids Y.'s age are either pregnant or already have a second little one. This also applies to most of the people we know who had a baby at about the same time or even after we did.  Scenario number 2: we go for a stroll to the dunes/woods/the park/a playground and stumble upon plenty of families with more than 1 kid, with an age difference that does not seem higher than 2 years. Scenario number 3: people start discussing post-baby birth-control methods at a Facebook's mom group and suddenly we are not talking about birth control at all. I find myself reading stories about how someone knows at least 5 people who got pregnant while using an IUD and how somebody else's best friend got pregnant while her husband had already had a vasectomy (!!). It is impossible not to feel alienated in face of such an "innocent" conversation, where women are just sharing their experiences about accidentally getting pregnant while trying hard to avoid it. Ah, but you are not like those women. In fact it never occurred to us to even use any form of birth control (other than condoms, for the first 6 months, to allow healing) since the baby was born. We night weaned the baby, we have been tracking my ovulation, and know it is happening, and yet nothing.  We hear of surprise pregnancies and of people conceiving (seemingly) with ease (normal I guess, when there are many parents in our social circle) and I can't help but feeling like an outcast, with no one to talk about it.

We are back where we started, facing again that old witch, infertility. The bitch. She did not really go away. And yet we know we have been blessed. Oh, how much. Even as I write this I feel like I should not be having these feelings at all because our miracle was granted. I am grateful every single day and I feel almost bad, greedy for dreaming of more. And yet we pray and hope and continue to delude ourselves into thinking that it might just happen

A teddy bear (Bobbi beer) birthday

I don't know how it happened but  I have a 2 year old and it seems so sudden. This year was the year we saw her change from a small but strong willed baby  to a confident, curious, independent little girl that knows so very well what she wants. Of course the changes were not sudden. Our daughter. She changes and learns so much every single second. It is such a joy to see her take life in, explore, grow, discover.

I hear a lot of parents say that it's not worth it, at this stage, to organize parties for their children because they won't remember. When I see how much fun Y. has at  her friends' parties, when I see how much she enjoys hitting the piñata (we made one for Christmas and she has been practicing non-stop), when I see how much she loves cakes and treats and playing, I honestly don't care if she will remember or not. All I care is that she will enjoy, have a blast, feel loved and celebrated.

The theme for this year's birthday was Bobbi beer. She fell in love with the happy little bear from the Dutch book series ever since we read her a story with him for the first time, so it was just a natural choice. It is amusing to see how certain books really speak to her. It's almost like a real friend, Bobbi and Y., they get each other (and the illustrations are really lovely).

We wanted to keep it relatively simple, however I still wanted it to feel special. This year we didn't have the time or energy to make a piñata, but we got it from another Mexican who is a true artist: she was able to construct it just from looking at a drawing.

I made her a blueberry and coconut milk cake and iced it following Sweetapolita's pastel swirl cake tutorial. Then I used paper straws and some wrapping paper to make a carousel with Bobbi bear and its friends. I used this tutorial to make party favor bags (and yeah, I know that is the Paddington bear, but I just thought they were similar enough, and the 2-year-old didn't seem to mind, all bears are Bobbi to her). They were very easy to make.

For snacks there were mozzarella-tomato-basil skewers, olives, peanuts, cut veggies with hummus, mandarin and grapes on a stick and these apple-banana-oatmeal bars in the form of little bears. I also made orange and chia-seed water and that was about it.

It was so nice to see her running around and playing with her friends and having a day all for herself. Do you like to make a big deal out of birthdays or do you prefer low-key celebrations (Mark's the latter)?

Our toddler-friendly felt Christmas tree

 Well... hello. It has been a while. Is anyone still here? I have missed writing so much. But I am always so bone-tired that I never seem to be able to make the time.

Suddenly, it is that time of the year again. I think I've written  before about how the boy does not love having a lot of Christmas decorations or a tree (he just hates stuff in general, and anything that looks crammed).

Last year we had a real Christmas tree, albeit a small one, and it was lovely, but also, I spent a lot of time trying to stop Y. from hurting herself with the crystal spheres (I don't know why I thought they'd be safe).

When I saw pics of toddler-friendly trees made of felt, I knew we would be making one. It is the perfect activity for little children, it is easy, flat, does not take up space and it is oh so pretty (and lazy!) .

We just got the felt from the craft store, free-handed the form of the tree and the ornaments, cut it and attached everything together with safety pins and double-sided tape. We made little holes to
let the lights go through and attached everything with a bit of tape.

Yu loved participating in the process, admiring it and helping assembling it. When it was still work in progress she would hold our hands, lead us to the couch where it was waiting to be hanged and smile in awe, asking us to light it up.It was magic.

We do not have any plans yet for Christmas, I am looking forward to taking a pause, just being with our closest family. And maybe making a ton of cookies with little girl. She loves cooking (and getting messy with flour)  How are you celebrating? What traditions are important to you? 

Like being in the middle of a whirlwind

Life these days does not stop. I feel like I am inside a washing machine that keeps turning round and round, over and over again. Whoever started talking about "balance" when referring to navigating work and family life never really experienced it. I do not feel there is a balance at all. I feel like we are constantly running just to keep the status quo, just to (barely) keep functioning.

Mornings start very early. As soon as we are up it's full get ready, make breakfast, eat breakfast, get dressed, go, go, go. To the train, to the car, to bring Y. to daycare. The days when I can bring her are the best, because it is such a calm, happy place. You don't just drop the kid and go. You have to stay a short while so that the transition takes place in a smooth way. They make nice coffee too.


I like working, I like being productive and helping people out, and learning. And I like the people I work with. But I would be lying if I said I did not think of my girl a lot during the day. I daydream of our days spent at parks, finding cafés to drink latte's and eat lunch together and walking around  the city, discovering new places.

By the time I am back home, the focus is on eating dinner, then playing a bit, reading books and shortly after Yu's bath time and sleeping ritual follow. I want to be present when I am with her, our hours together being now so limited. When she finally falls asleep we are both exhausted. Brain dead. Collapsed. I want to do stuff, but more than anything I want to rest and that always ends up winning. Dishes, minimum picking up, still have to happen.

Weekends are the best but they are not very relaxing. We do all kinds of fun stuff together, we visit friends, we try to go to exciting places (like the petting farm), we catch up with friendships. Laundry, cleaning, groceries have to get sneaked in between.

It keeps going on and on and on.

We are still breastfeeding during the night and though I am ovulating, I am still not pregnant. It makes me feel really sad. I also feel really guilty for being sad, because I know how blessed we are. But we are yearning for another baby, and when you are everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant at the same time. Several friends of us who have children the age of Y. are expecting their second kids and I hate feeling the jealousy again. I do not like to dwell in negative feelings, but they are there. We keep hoping though, and we keep going, trusting, praying.

And then she fell in the shit...

The baby started walking. When I saw her the first time I just could not believe it. We had been waiting for this to happen and when it did it still shocked me. We are so proud.

Yet, that makes things more complicated. She is such a curious spirit that she has to be where the action is happening. Normally we clean the house together on the weekend, taking turns at taking care of the child while the other one does one chore or another. With her newfound mobility and her eagerness to help out and learn... getting anything done around the house is quite the challenge.

So this Saturday I decided to take the kid to the park while the husband stayed home to fix some stuff (which involved the use of terpentine).

It was a fresh and early start of the day. We went to the swing, to the slides, to those wiggly animals that balance and rock. And then we walked to the lake to see the ducks and water chicken. Her excitement made my heart burst. The birds must have thought we were there to feed them because the whole flock came to us (halas, I did not even have the saddest piece of bread with me).

And then... she fell down. The next thing I see her whole shoe, leg and part of her arm is covered in dark green goop. The one day that this paranoid mom goes out without the massive diaper bag, wipes and alcohol in gel this happens.

How have you been doing?

PS I am a disaster... I have not been answering your comments like I used to since... a while. It feels so lame to write this note down. But truly, I appreciate each of them (and my brain is also mush most of the time). I will get around to it soon.