Hey there

I am still alive... and I have a long list of things I want to write about. I am just having a hard time finding the moments when I am not completely exhausted.

But, if you are so inclined, Kristin, from Not intent on arriving, interviewed me for her Writer Wednesday section. I feel so honored and excited to be feautured there.

I found Kristin  by following her from comments on Lauren's blog. She is an avid traveler and a poet, and as someone who loves to read and wander the world, I really like her space. Thanks for having me!

So I guess that makes me a working mom.

Yesterday was my first day at a new job.  This time it was completely unexpected, as in, I wasn't even actively looking for a job. 4 years ago, when I was doing everything to find something remotely related to my area I handed in my CV to all the work agencies I could, and I put it up in the major databases. Nothing ever came out of that.

And then, out of the blue, I was contacted by one of these agencies, telling me there was a position that was very suited to my profile and that the company was very interested in me. I was interviewed once, then a second, and a third and a fourth time. It all went very smoothly. I really liked the feeling I got, the team, the management, the idea of being helpful to society (and to animals, at the end of the spectrum). Then I got offered the job and we had to think long and hard.

It was so difficult.

This time with Yulia, these almost 16 months with her have been precious. I love watching her grow, develop, change and evolve and become her own person. She discovers new things every day and learns new tricks all the time. We've done so much together: playgroups, library visits, walks to the park and to the beach; swimming and music classes, museums, playdates. I am going to miss her so much.

I wish I could stay with her for longer.

Then again, the job search has been so, so hard. And the gap in my CV keeps growing. With a lot of faith we decided to take the plunge, to try it, to think of this as an investment. As much as I would like to be with her now, as much as I have loved taking care of her, there will be a point when she will go to school and I am not sure if an opportunity like this will come back then.

In my heart, I know she will be fine. She is a friendly, social kid, she enjoys being with other kids. And I am in love with her daycare: they promote and follow each child's explorations, they grow and cook their own warm meals each day, it is a very calm, peaceful and happy environment.

I cried so much. I cried when I got the offer (sad and happy tears at the same time), I cried myself to sleep once I had accepted, wondering if we had made the right decision, I cried yesterday, when I said goodbye and left for the day. (She didn't, but if this is going to be hard for someone, I prefer it's harder on me).

Maybe it is too early to say, but it feels good. It feels good to be using my studies, it feels good to be out in the world again, it feels good to come back to our family at the end of the day.

Grow

I have been meaning to write this post for months. My word for the year came to me early, I just knew what it was. It is already May and I haven't stopped running. But a time to pause and reflect is much needed. Last year my word (verb) was "to Marvel",  the year before that it was "Joy", and before that "Patience". This year my word is Grow.

There has been so much happening. I started January  happy and surprised with 4 cake assignments, one per weekend (well one of them was the one for Yu's birthday). Then we went to Mexico and I made a couple of cakes over there and another one when I just came back. Last weekend I had 3 cake orders for the same day.

I have a feeling that things are moving and changing this year, that I am evolving into something new, that slowly pieces of the puzzle that is life are starting to come together, by themselves.

There are challenges, the major one right now is weaning. I had originally planned to breastfeed baby Y. for 6 months so that I would be ready for our next round of  IVF soon after. Our breastfeeding start was not easy and by the time we hit 6 months we were so comfortable in our routine and she was growing so well that I postponed letting her go off the bewb until she could have cow milk. I have nothing against formula, I know it is a life and sanity saver in many, many cases and that there are many reasons, some simple, some complex to choose not to breastfeed. Sometimes it is not a choice. But, I was lucky that it was working really well for us, it was convenient, easy and pretty much free. And yes, I had my own personal boycott against the companies that make formula. It is silly, maybe, but I applied several times to work with them, I knew well I had the knowledge and expertise required for such positions and I was not even called for an interview. (That and the controversial ways these companies promote formula feeding in countries in development, where there is no access to clean water). So they were not getting our money if I could avoid it.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year, when we started the weaning process, we discovered that our kid would NOT take a bottle. After trying several nipples she takes them every now and then, mostly though she likes to play with them, she may drink 100 mL before bed time, but a bottle is not substituting me. We give her cheese and yoghurt, sometimes all-natural fruit milkshakes. During the day she is pretty much weaned, she does not ask for it anymore and since March I stopped offering as she is well into her solid food meals (I would still give it when she asked). Feeding her in public was getting difficult because she is so curious and distractable that she would not concentrate on eating and would much rather wave at strangers or play peekaboo with the swaddling blanket I used as a cover. So that part is going well, but, she is still waking up in the middle of the night and nothing but me, or more precisely, my bewbs, will make her settle down. We've read the theories, we know what we are supposed to do (either make her wait gradually longer and longer between feeds or reduce the amount of time she spends breastfeeding until it is not worth the wake up). It is not working and she will not tolerate being soothed by dad. She screams murder and we should probably be firmer, but I just can't handle her sad, helpless crying and I have a feeling neither can the neighborhood. In my gut I feel she is not ready, I kind of thought/hoped she would outgrow it and start sleeping longer and demanding less comfort from us but it does not seem to be happening any time soon. I get angry when I read about how babies are supposed to be able to self soothe (by 6 months none the less)*, about how rocking them, comforting them, breastfeeding them is all wrong and sleep be doomed forever if you do these things and why did you continue to do them when the book said it was time to stop. We have tried all kinds of things, like me sleeping in a different room so she can't smell me. She still wakes up.

 On the other hand, I am going to be 35 this June. That means I am going to reach the dreaded label of 'advanced maternal age' and our chances at being succesful for a second sibling statistically plummet. I am silly, delusional, hoping for that miracle pregnancy that happens to infertile couples once they had a first pregnancy. I know I should not count on it, but I am hopelessly optimistic and the “unexpectedly pregnant after infertility/adoption” thing is apparently not an urban legend. It does happen, even to Amanda's.  It is so hard, it feels so cruel to force-wean Yulia when she still appears to need me. But I don't want to be breastfeeding a 4, or 3 or 2 year old so we are going to have to do this if we want our family to grow, and I know this is absolutely not in our hands, and I feel greedy for wanting more when we have already been so blessed, but there it is, our deepest wish thrown out to the universe.

So that's where we're at. Late to this party, it is almost mid-year, but do you have any words, plans, projects, wishes for this year?

*that sounds to me like corporate productivity standards applied to infants. Baby should do this now, and should do that then, otherwise you are doing things wrong.

Living by the Sea

Spring is (finally) here and we have had a couple of truly warm days. I have really become a sun-worshipper, as soon as the first rays of warm sunlight hit us I bring out my summer outfits and run to the nearest terrace, garden, park, playground, outside location.

Last Friday we went to a beach with a close friend of mine (and Yu) and it hit me. I live by the Sea. I was one of those girls who grew up in the 90's dreaming of becoming a Marine biologist. I actually wanted to work at the Sea World. That place really impressed me in all the good ways as a child and I thought it was doing a great job at taking care of animals in a humane, scientific, state-of-the-art way. (Then I saw Blackfish and all those ideas were shattered.)

Ever since then I fantasized with the idea of living by the water, one of those dreams that you have there on a shelf and never really actively pursue. But then, there are those dreams that you do pursue and I did go live and study in Barcelona, first as an Erasmus (Biology) student, and later to go to Vet School.

After which I moved to The Netherlands. If I start counting, that makes it almost 10 years of living by the ocean and I did not even notice. Did I assimilate it? Was it so much a part of me that I did not stop to think about it at all?

It makes me really happy and grateful to realize that maybe unconsciously, seamlessly some of the things I thought I'd do when "I grew up" I'm actually doing.

Do you have any dreams or places that have pulled you once and again?

Random things about me and an award

The other day Catarina, from CraftieMum, a Portuguese writer who lives in The Hague, nominated me for the Liebster blog award. I was really happy to receive it and thought it would be fun to answer her questions. 

1) What is your favourite food? Hmmm. This is a hard one, so much choice. The first thing that came to mind were "milanesas de pollo"(Mexican-style chicken schnitzels), enfrijoladas (cheese or chicken-filled tortillas covered in a bean sauce) and "crema de elote con rajas" (corn creamy soup with charred-poblano-pepper stripes). But, I also love sushi, anything Italian or French, particularly dishes that include aubergine and raspberries.

2) How many languages do you speak? Let's see, Spanish is my mother-tongue, closely followed by French and English. My Catalan knowledge is quite good (if I may say so myself) after living 5 years in Barcelona. I also speak Dutch and have some basic grasp of Italian.

3) What was your most embarrassing moment? I don't know, but probably that first time I realized that gynaecologists in Holland were not going to provide a surgical paper gown during an exploration. There is also that time I slipped into the Grand Canal in Venice when I was trying to see if the water was warm.

4) What is your favourite place in your home country? This is a tough one. I love Michoacan, such a beautiful state. Also Baja California Sur. And Guadalajara is one of my favorite cities. 

 5) Do you have kids, and how many? If not, would you like to have kids, and why? We have a beautiful sunshine of a daughter who just turned one.

6) Which countries have you visited so far? Let me think. Switzerland, France, Spain, Germany, Canada, Bolivia, Mexico, Turkey (only Istanbul), the USA, Luxembourg, Monaco, The Netherlands, The UK, Belgium, Italy, Greece, Hungary (only Budapest), Austria (only Vienna) and I think that's about it. 

7) Do you love what you do for a living, or are you still searching? I am in love with Veterinary Medicine, but sadly I haven't been able to work as a vet, excluding different types of internships. I also love baking and painting, so I am lucky to have been able to blend the two and start a business combining those two passions. I love writing too, though it is more of a personal exercise. I am still hoping to find a place where I can use my university studies, it feels so wasteful to have two diplomas sitting on a shelf. Such hard work. Our baby keeps me busy the whole day though, so I am thoroughly enjoying this much-awaited phase of our lives. 

8) What is your favourite book? I think Hopscotch (Rayuela) by Julio Cortazar. But I also love Milan Kundera (The ignorance, The unbearable lightness of being, and some others), The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S.Lewis) and classic fairy tales, particularly those of Hans Christian Andersen. 

9) What would you like to do when you retire? Umm, live in a cozy apartment or a farm somewhere sunny and near the sea. I am thinking the South of France or Catalunya. Italy could also work. Also, raise goats. 

10) What do you do for fun? Read, travel, go to museums, try to discover new places in cities we love, go for long walks... 

11) Why do you write? I write mostly for me, to journal, to keep track of what we have been up to. And as an exercise, a creative outlet and a way to let feelings out. The connections I have made through this little space are very special, particularly the friendships that have been formed through my nonsense ramblings. 
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To keep it going on, I would like to nominate: Ma. Fer from De este lado de mi mundo, Blanca from Agua de Limon, GypsyMama from Our Magic Moments, Marcia from With  love Marcia, Hayley from Wee Hermione, Taniabeth from Varekai, Just Me from Bits and Peaces, Senja from Puukengat, Zarawitta from Viaje al Centro de la Beca (hint, hint, please write again), Amy from The Tide that Left and Bettiann from The Swiss Wife Style. 
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And my questions are: 1. If you could live anywhere in the World, where would that be? 2. Have you ever felt any city in the world pull you, even though you did not know it before or had any ties with said city before? 3. Which is your favourite book or author? 4. Do you have a pet? 5. What would be an ideal day for you? What would you do on such a day? 6. What do you do? Study? Work? Raise pandas? 7. Tell me where you ate the best ice-cream in your life. 8. What is your favourite museum (or sight)? 9. What has been your favourite trip / place you have ever visited? 10. What is your favourite animal? 11. Just for fun, if  you could choose your looks, what would you look like? ( I would love to have emerald eyes and orange hair). 

Childhood memories (and giveaway winner)

I loved reading all your childhood stories, so thanks to everyone who participated in the giveaway. My first memories involve zoos, playing in the water, my little brother and cake. Now that I think about it, I wrote a post on that over at Lauren's last year. To think so much can change in 12 months.

But I guess what you are here to find out  who is the winner of 20 USD at Cotton Babies (picked with the help of random.org). And that would be: Ambyr, of the D girl with her hilarious story:

"First childhood memory? Hmm. Well - I remember my aunt gifted me an old barbie - but she was ugly - so I gave her to my friend down the street. I think I was 8 or 9. My mom told me to get the barbie back - but my friend couldn't find her. Probably because she was super ugly. I wouldn't doubt that my friend burned her or fed her to the dog. lol"

Congratulations Ambyr, I will email you the coupon today! Thanks again to everyone who took part in the game. 

Crazy, crazy magic (or babies choose their name)

For as long as I can remember I had known the name I wanted to give to my back then imaginary baby girl. When I met the boy, when we got serious, when we started talking about someday, maybe having kids, we talked about names and we both liked this name SO much that there was no question, that was going to be the name of our daughter, when we had one.

Well, it turns out, life doesn't work like that. For completely unpredictable reasons, a story that is not mine to tell, we were not able to use that name anymore. It has to do a bit with superstition and a lot with not causing unnecessary pain to relatives.

Anyhow, when I was pregnant we made a list of names we liked. At the time we were unsure as to whether or not we were going to use the name we had so long dreamed about, so we kept asking the baby to let us know what her name was. I would talk to the belly and play little games, asking her is your name Julie? Are you a Lena? If that is the case... kick hard now. I talked about all of this with Marcela, a dear friend who is also a very spiritual person. She told me her way of telling me her name was not going to be so straightforward, that maybe, while looking at a list of names, reading a book, looking at a magazine, her name would pop at me, that I, we, would just know.

When my waters broke and I was admitted at the hospital, we still did not know what name we'd choose. But as time was passing we talked about it and even though Mark wanted to use the original name, because a name is just a name, I wasn't so sure. So we agreed on one of our favorite names: Yulia, spelled with a Y to make the pronunciation easy for everyone (J is a soft sound  in English and Dutch, but a hard one in Spanish). The Italian handwriting Giulia made it clear, but we thought that would be complicated for those not familiar with it. So we took the Russian spelling, assuming a Y sound is soft pretty much everywhere.

In my father's side of the family there is a long tradition of using 2, most commonly 3 names; however on Mark's father's side they prefer to keep names simple and short. Mark's mom often talks about how she would have liked to give her sons double names, but it wasn't done, on Mark's dad insistence. We had decided to go for the simple way and choose only one name.

Well, this is where the story starts getting strange. Hours after Yu was born, her paternal grandfather (Mark's father, the one of the simple names) called to ask if we were going to give her a second name and sent us a full list of names in Maya and Nahuatl (native languages of Pre-columbine Mexico). There were many pretty names, but Alitzel  jumped at us. It was the first name on the list and the first time we both immediately agreed on a name. It went well with the name we had already chosen, and we loved the meaning: smiling girl (in Maya). It's funny because I was drawn to names that started with Ali (Alienor, Aline) or liked names that could be shortened to Lizzie or Lexi (Elizabeth, Alexandra). This is all funny because now we have both  the Ali part, and the Litzy part in the same name. Also, the second part of her name, Itzel, comes from  Ix-chel, tha Mayan goddess of love, fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, the moon (!!!), and medicine.

As if that was not special or crazy enough, this morning my sister sent me some photos. Once upon a time, in the summer of 2000, I was a 20-year-old girl who loved tulips (the Dutch's pride!)  and had her uncle take some photos of her. I remember those tulips , I remember crazy-me saying they represented my future kids and naming those flowers Diego and Lucía. Then, my parents printed one of the photos from the photoshoot and put it in a silver frame that we had received as a favor at the baptism of the daughter of some friends of the family (that I didn't even remember at all, until now). Look at what's engraved on the frame:

Her first name, Yulia, comes from latin and it means young (early?), youthful, Jove's child. It is also a Biblical name, associating Julia with curly hair (Scripture references:  Romans 16:15, Acts 27:1-3)

<<By birth a member of one of the great old homes in Rome, Julia was doubtless a member of the imperial court and therefore among the saints to be found in Caesar’s household. Perhaps she was the wife or sister of Philologus with whose name she is coupled. She is named among those to whom Paul sent a warm salutation. The extension of her name, Julius, implies, “curly-headed”>>*

And it's also of course the feminine version of one of my favorite authors, Julio Cortazar (who loved crazy coincidences!). So that's how Yulia Alitzel, our young laughing girl with culy hair got her name.
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*All the women of the Bible. Herbert Lockyer. Zondervan. First published as 'The women of the Bible' in 1967.

ABC game

 Kaitlin, from A Georgia peach abroad, tagged me for the ABC alphabet game, so I thought it would be fun to play. Thanks Kaitlin!

A: Attached or Single: Attached
B: Best Friend's: are all over the world, San Antonio TX, Bolivia, Switzerland, Barcelona.
C: Cake or Pie: Cake for sure. But I do love lemon meringue pie, fruit tartlettes (particularly raspberry) and caramel pie. So I guess I just like all the sweet stuff.
D: Day of Choice: Fridays and Saturdays are the best.
E: Essential Item: I always carry a box with emergency medicine, though I am trying not to use any of it anymore. Lately, my aluminum bottle of water is always with me.
F: Favorite Color: Green,  Red and Turquoise.
G: Gummy  Bears or Worms:Gummi bears, though I prefer gumdrops.
H: Hometown: I lived in Mexico city the first 7 years of my life, is that it?
I: Favorite Indulgence: Ice cream, or a creamy chai tea latte.
J: January or July: July, I am a summer girl.
K: Kids: I love them, I always have. I spent many summers working at summer camps and later at the Zoo education department, and  I love babysitting.
L: Life Isn't Complete Without: Travel.
M: Marriage Date: September 11, or May 31 for the legal bit.
N: Number of Handbags: I have a red one that I use all the time, but a few more in the closet.
O: Oranges or Apples: Oranges. I am crazy about citrus fruit.
P: Phobias: Worms. Or anything that looks like a worm... when I had to study them live at a biology lab I almost die.
Q: Quote: "It was hard to deny belief in the fact that a flower could be beautiful to no end" ("Era duro renunciar a creer que una flor pudiera ser bella para la nada"). Julio Cortazar.
R: Reason to Smile: Peonies by the window, books, weekend trips.
S: Season of Choice: Summer, and those first Autumn days when everything turns shades of red, orange and yellow and everything is warm.
T: Tag 5 People: If you would like to play, just consider yourself tagged!
U: Unknown Fact About Me: I was born with the aid of forceps.
V: Vegetable: Avocado, but that's a fruit. Zucchini / Courgette. 
W: Worst Habit: I tend to leave a trail of messes anywhere I go. Mostly books and stacks of paper.
X: X-ray or Ultrasound: Ultrasounds, I have had so many.
Y: Your Favorite Food: Milanesa de pollo (chicken schnitzel), guacamole, enfrijoladas, aubergine parmigiana, lasagne, tzatziki...
Z: Zodiac Sign: Gemini or a Monkey if you are talking Chinese Zodiac.

*Image via here.

Of time capsules and questionnaires.

My best friend, the historian, surprised me with something completely unexpected. As I opened a brown little parcel that came from across the ocean (all the way from Bolivia!), I did not expect what I was going to find.

"A time capsule is a historic cache of goods or information, usually intended as a method of communication with future people and to help future archaeologists, anthropologists or historians." 

When I removed the paper and found an old journal from 2001 it was like traveling back in time, to my 3rd year out of home, my 2nd at university.  This friend is the one who incited me to write journals (of which I have at least 8) and initiated me in the art of collecting useless trinkets for future recollection. Funny, in many ways I'm still the same, and in many others I just want to tell that girl to "don't do that".

And speaking of friends, old and new, the lovely Bex and Roz, from The Olive Dragonfly, whose support has meant more than they know, have nominated me for a blogger award. I felt so honored (and I kind of love these games). You know how it goes, you say some random things about yourself, you answer some questions, you pass it along. For the random facts I am going to cheat by leading you here and here (I promise you, you'll find what you want) and I will show you some  pages of my life from October through December 2001.

As for their questions, here you go:

What is your favourite song in the whole world and why? 
Difficult question. A happy song from Mika: "Lollipop"? "The origin of Love"? Or some old song from the 90s: The Cranberries' "Daffodil lament", REM's "Losing my religion". Or Suzanne Vega's "Gypsy". Yes, most probably that last one. All of these songs remind me of moments, some make me happy, some take me back in time. It's like our lives have a soundtrack.

If you were invisible, where would you go?
Mmm... I guess I would go to an ice-cream shop to steal some? Or skip lines and get myself to the front everywhere, no waiting for me please.

What is your favourite way to relax?
Baking. Or having a cup of tea, and reading a book (though lately I have trouble just letting myself sinked in, my mind is constantly busy). Taking long walks with the boy is also a good method. And nothing beats a warm shower.

Salted or sweet?
Sweet for sure. I didn't even have to think. But give me some tzatziki and I'll eat it in one go.

What was the last film that really moved / disturbed / thrilled you and why?
This is going to sound silly, but I cried helplessly  after "The odd life of Timothy Green". It's a Disney movie for adults and it ends well. Yet it made me so sad. It touched all our soft spots:  how badly we want our baby to come, how painful it is not knowing what will be, why, or, if it will at all happen. While the world keeps turning, while you start thinking you must be an alien.

What book are you reading right now?
The God of Small things, by Arundhati Roy. I am still not yet halfway, but it has a way of capturing you, taking you to India, feel what the characters are feeling. It slowly introduces you to the people in the story, all members of a family, and you know something happened that changed them, but it's kept a secret as you read.

What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?
Yulia, I think. It was going to be my name until a last-minute change of mind.

If you could have any animal / creature, what would be your ultimate pet?
A unicorn. An ocelot. And while we're at it, a miniature goat too.

What's the next planned event you're looking forward to in your life?
We're going to California yeah! (Or should I say getting pregnant and having our own baby? That's what I really want. I'm just putting it there for superstitious reasons, you know in case wishing for things out loud is some kind of magic. See I am still the innocent girl from 12 years ago).

What was your favourite toy as a child....and now?
Then, roller skates. An ice-cream maker that didn't really make ice-cream. Or My Rainbow Brite doll. Now... it's probably my KitchenAid.

When was the last time you cried laughing and why?
When I am really sad the boy always finds a way to say something funny and crack me up. Silly cats make me laugh as well. This was the last one, the boy says I'm just like that. (Enough is enough). My mom agreed. (You might have to refresh the link for it to work).

And now, if you would like to be part of this, just feel free to answer these questions. But I am passing it to those who I think will most likely answer : 

Varekai

Invincible Spring

The Nomad Cooks

A Georgia Peach Abroad

The Dutch Tales 

Bits and Peaces

The Celebration Girl

Dainty and Ivory

Lily Wanderlust 

Life in a state of wanderlust

Holland daze

And my questions are: If you could live anywhere, where would that be? Given the chance, which magic power would you choose? If the genie-of-the-lamp appeared to you, what would you ask? Do you recommend any books? What made you start blogging? What is making you happy right now? What is your favorite food? Favorite fairy-tale? Are you a nomad or do you feel bound to your "roots"? The best place you've ever visited? Happiest memory from childhood?

Joy in the little things

In case you missed it, today I was honored to be a guest post at A practical wedding, writing about my journey these last 3 and a half years: life changes, unemployment, subfertility, and slowly, learning to find the joy in the little things. Here it is...

Of pandemics and rice balls.

 The other day, Smitten immigrant wrote about how while they are in the middle of a transition, of a waiting period, her and her beloved have been busy playing their recently acquired game Pandemic. I immediately asked where she got her copy of the game. You see, Epidemiology fascinates me. I still want to go back to school and study it in depth (the main drawback is that such a master is worth 12000 EUR). In the motivation letter required during the admission process for medical school, back in 1999, I remember already writing that I wanted to be an Epidemiologist. In High-School, I was very impressed by the Hong-Kong avian flu cases of 1997.

"This was the first time a highly-pathogenic-H5N1-avian influenza-A virus transmission directly from birds to humans had been found to cause respiratory illness. During this outbreak, 18 people were hospitalized and six of them died. To control the outbreak, authorities culled about 1.5 million chickens to remove the source of the virus"*

Then I saw the movie Outbreak, and I knew I wanted to work in Public Health. At the OIE or the  CDC, preferably. I am still working on that dream. A while ago, I saw people play the game Pandemic on a documentary (I think it was Forks over Knives, which you should totally watch, in case you haven't) and I became obsessed with it. The boy was planning on surprising me at Christmas with it... except it was out of stock, never replenished by the supplier and in the end the order was cancelled. So when Smitten Immigrant invited us to play with them and also revealed her secrets as to where to find the game we had to go. We probably played the game 5 times at their place, and 2 more times yesterday. It was lots of fun.  Moreover as they are preparing for a big move, they are busy trying to get rid of the unessential, and they kindly gave us "The manga cookbook". Which means, that yesterday we fulfilled our long standing dream of eating rice-balls, just like our favorite Japanese cartoon characters. (Thanks!)

What was your weekend like? I hope you had lots of fun, regardless of the cold temperatures!

 *Avian Influenza A Virus Infections of Humans. CDC factsheets.
** Last image source.

Childhood memories

As you maybe know, the lovely, amazing Lauren, from Better in real life, just had the cutest little baby.

While she plays and cares for her new human, she asked a few of us to write about our childhood memories, for a guest series. Head over to her always honest and fun blog to read my story. I am so happy and excited to be over there today.

Sketches

 When I was 13 or 14, I begged for painting classes. There was this art school, special for young people, where I would go 1 time a week. You would start with HB and B pencils, move on to colored pencils, then charcoal, pastels and finally, oil painting. I think I only ever made it to charcoal or pastels. Actually, now that I think of it, as an 8 year old, one of my uncles who is a photographer / artist  / graphic designer gave me lessons at home for a few months. Then,  in high school, every semester it was mandatory that we choose extracurricular activities which could be sports, writing, choir, art, drama, dancing... For a few semesters, again, I took painting.

I really enjoyed these classes, but to be honest, I never took this creative side of mine seriously. It was the sciences that were drawing me hard, and that's the direction I went into, without any doubts. However this itch was always in me. I remember, when I first went to Paris, with my 2 best friends from college, back in early 2000, we would each spare money (by not eating anything other than the free breakfast at the youth hostel and a baguette sandwich the whole day) to get us treats. I got myself a box of 12 soft pastels, and since then, I always had them, and some ingres fabriano paper with me. All through my university years. Except, I did choose quite intense studies and I never gave myself or made the time to paint. Which was why I decided to undust this side of me and take some lessons, this time, in a technique similar to watercolor.

Do you have any hidden passions that you have never really pursued or taken seriously? Aside from painting, I would have loved to be a journalist.

PS, come back later in the day for a surprise. 

Fantasies of being a young mom, and finding joy when life happens.

I always thought I would have babies easily. After all, when you grow up watching MTV’s  16 and pregnant you end up afraid of getting pregnant, not the opposite. In my fantasies I dreamt of being a young mom, something about having the energy of youth and the crazy recklessness that comes with it appealed to me.  In high school I always thought if I had an “accident” I would keep the baby, be happy, and go on to become a doctor as well. Of course, that was not a possibility since at that time I was not even dating anyone, let alone sleeping with boys. 

To continue reading head over to 'Any Other Woman'. I am honored they are sharing my story.

Woman fail? Choices?

 I am part of a generation that grew up being told that “women can do anything they set themselves up to”. This is the generation that could finally enjoy the fruits (voting, an education, birth control…) of years of struggling and fighting that started with our grandmothers, if not earlier. From grades 5 through 9, I went to an all-girls hardcore catholic school where we were led into believing that we were going to be “agents of change”, that it was our calling to make a difference in the world. We had classes and conferences by empowering role-models, successful, worldly ladies, explaining how women, by their own psychological complexion were ideal candidates to reach the very top of all kinds of businesses and professional roles, as values such as compassion, empathy, connection and our innate ability to communicate were natural to us girls. At the same time we received parallel messages telling us of our important role in the home, how we were meant to be the pillars of our families, how a feminine touch (like leaving flowers by your husbands’ workplace or knowing how to cook a perfect meal, complete with sauce hollandaise) could make the difference in a bad day. How we were to be the rock of our husbands and families. They went on to explain that all of these things were our duty along with other things like managing the household’s budget frugally and efficiently, and yes, emphasizing how our main and most important mission along with all of the above was to procreate and take care of all the children that would be sent to us (those were the words they used!!!). 

Trying to succeed at all of those spheres at the same time sounded contradictory. We might be super girls, smart and funny, tough yet romantic, but I have not yet discovered my own superpowers.  I cannot be in two places at the same time and I certainly don’t have any control over my crazy hormones. There are so many cultural messages, coming from media, literature, our education, telling us what we are supposed to do. If you take a dip in Art history, starting with the earliest civilizations, one of the first pieces that you study are Venus statues. Those big stone women with a huge belly and big breasts, the earliest dating back to 35,000 – 40,000 years ago, were already telling us that our uttermost important role was (and is?) to bring new humans to the planet.  From them on, the role of women in society has very slowly changed, but has, overall been limited to the backstage scenes. Through high-school and university I really enjoyed reading “The Second Sex” by Simone de Beauvoir. Her in depth study about the female condition along time and history is so clear and straight forward that I formed my own ideas and ended up convinced that yes, against all odds, us girls were ready to join Pinky and the Brain and take over the World. 

So what does being a woman mean in 2013? Apparently it means that we can finally “have it all”. When I hear such claims I can only laugh. And when I see women discussing these issues  and tearing each other down because apparently whatever you do it will be wrong,  I can only conclude that we haven’t quite figured it out just yet. It is so sad, this fight between "women”: it seems that whatever choices are made someone will come to tell you how you are not doing it right. And one can only assume that we are all intelligent beings, making the best choices that we can, with the resources, possibilities and information that we have in our hands. We are all just trying to make our best. 

As I go through life being unemployed regardless of the fact that I have two scientific degrees, while, at the same time I struggle with what the medical community refers to as infertility (though I refuse to use that term), I think of my junior-high school days and wonder what I did wrong, and when. If I am to judge myself according to the standards I was taught I am clearly failing in all womanly spheres at the same time. 

And then I read the news and it breaks my heart (not to mention enrages me) to learn that little girls are sometimes not even allowed to be born, and when they are, they are mutilated, they are  forced to work, forced into arranged marriages, are not allowed to study or pursue their dreams, cannot be independent or get positions of power.

It is international woman’s day and I think there is still a fight to be had. We have to fight so that every girl and woman gets the choice to live the life she wants. We have to change the structures in society to ensure that professional success and a family can finally be compatible. And among us girls that have been lucky/blessed enough to enjoy such luxuries as an education, the right to work and develop careers, the choice to have children (or not) to stay at home (or not), to go and work in the world (or to do so from the living room, while dressed in pajamas), to be scientists, lawyers, politicians, doctors, writers, to make a difference… so much kindness is needed. I seriously wish we would just start being nicer to each other, we would stop the judgments, because the beauty of feminism, is that we can *choose* who we want to be.  This fight is not over and we should make it possible for every woman and girl in the planet to be able to make these choices for herself. 

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It's International Women's Day. Over at 'Any Other Woman', there will be a day long extravaganza of posts, where many of us will share views and stories (or art, poems, photos) on what it means to be a Woman, today, in 2013. Head over there, I am sure there will be wisdom galore.

Images via here ,  here and here. 

Friendship, random things about me and an award.

 

The lovely Louise Elisabeth from Liquorice and Pumps nominated me for a little blog award. This is a fun initiative (a mix between a slam book and a chain letter) to promote small blogs. I see it as a chance to share the random (which I love) and to start a conversation. I also love to know the person behind the blog, so I am playing along.

As a nominee you are supposed to  mention the blogger who nominated you, tell 11 little things about yourself, answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you, pass it on to 11 bloggers and ask them, in turn 11 questions. So, on to business , let's see, 11 random things about myself: 

-I have a brother and a sister, of which I am the oldest.
-I wanted to be so many things that deciding to pursue only one of those after high school was hard. Some of these things were: doctor, researcher on AIDS, Marine Biologist / Marine mammal trainer, Journalist, Café-bakery owner.
-I started a thesis on the egg-laying habits of the Axolotls, but never really finished. Veterinary medicine was pulling me hard. 
-At some point in my life I used to only wear pink.
-Then I used to only wear stripes. Colorful ones at that.
-Then I had a kind of Emo phase (before emos were even part of the urban subculture), so I guess it was more of a punk-not-quite-goth kind of phase where I would wear black and red t-shirts with slogans like: "I am so happy I could die" or "Here comes trouble" (with a drawing of a cute Japanese-like girl running around with a knife). 

-I was supposed to volunteer as a Human Rights observer in Chiapas, at a Zapatist community, but my parents did not allow it. 
-My best friend lives in Bolivia. 
-My second name is Leila, because my father has a special love for Middle-Eastern cultures. 
-I have yet another name, that means star in a different language.
-We really want to get a cat. A blue one, preferably.

Now, here are the 11 things Louise Elisabeth asked:

1.-What is your favorite color? 
Mmmm, this is a hard one. I think mint-aqua green. But red comes close behind.

2.-If you would get 1000 euro's what would you do with it?
I would probably enroll myself to a photography course. Or a baking class at Cakes Haute Couture. Or get a stack of books and baking supplies. Or buy an airplane ticket and just go.

3.-What makes your blog  a must read?
Hmmm, I wouldn't say my blog is a must-read, most of all I am honored / humbled that there are people actually reading my ramblings and (maybe) enjoying them.

4.-How many shoes do you own?
I had to go and count. That would be 18: 1 pair of boots, 1 pair of short booties, 1 pair of running sneakers, 2 pairs of black heels (high and low), 1 pair of very high nude heels, 1 pair of brown mary-janes (which I just realized have completely perforated soles), 1 pair of lilac heels, 1 pair of heels with a flower print, 4 pairs of ballerinas (fucsia, red, gray, pink), 2 pairs of sandals (both coral pink), 1 pair of white heels, 1 pair of vans-like shoes with a colorful print, 1 pair of crystal blue plastic flip-flops.

My new shoes arrived. Aren't they the cutest?

5.-If you had one wish, what would you wish for?
To have a biological baby. I wanted to say to get pregnant, have a healthy pregnancy, and a baby. But that sounded like 3 wishes. You get the idea.

6.-Where do you want to be in 5 years from now?
Physically? No idea... Mexico,the UK or Switzerland would all be nice. Holland as well. Mostly in 5 years I would like to have children and be in a good place (professionally), that is have a job that fulfills me, makes a difference in society and sustains us.

7.-What is your best health tip?
My mom used to say "somos lo que comemos" (We are what we eat), so I would say, read your labels, be very conscious of your eating habits, nurture your body (which includes being in a positive state of mind), and your body will be healthy too.

8.-If you could name any place, where would you go right now?
On a trip? I think that would be SouthEast Asia: Vietnam, Camodia, Thailand, Singapore... and Japan! Talk about needing to win the lottery.

9.-Addition to question 8 who would you take with you?
The boy of course. It would also be fun to travel with my brother, sister and their significant others.

10.-What is your best fashion tip for upcoming season?
Umm, I am clearly totally clueless here. I would say be yourself. Stay authentic and true to who you are. But apparently pastels are gonna be a big hit (yeah).

11.-Are you an organ donor (this is very important to me, might be weird but hey you don't read my blog for its well normalness)
Currently, no, I am not. I feel very ambivalent on this, because coming from a medical profession I kind of know the kind of playing with bodies that takes place among students (that sounds awful) and the kind of crazy science that can happen if in the wrong hands. I have talked about this with the boy and I am ok with donating my organs if they would go to another person, save someone's life, but I am not so sure about giving my body to "Science". Difficult subject. 

Finally I would like to nominate the following blogs, some of which I recently found, some of which I've been reading for quite a (long) while, but all of which I find inspiring: 
  
Off to bright places 
Mockingjay... because we all need a little hope.
Pieces of Anna
Made in Morningside 
A little bite of everything 
Sara Bittner
The Smitten immigrant
De este lado de mi mundo 
The moon on a stick
Un nuevo nacimiento  
Zarawitta. Viaje al centro de la beca. 
Invincible Spring 

The questions I would like to ask are: 

1. Which is your favorite book?, 2. What is your favorite place in the World?, 3. What makes you happy?, 4. If you could go anywhere in the World, where would that be?, 5. Do you have a job / are you happy with it?, 6.  What is your favorite food?, 7. Can you maybe share a recipe? (or link to a favorite one?), 8. What is your favorite song / band ever?, 9. And your favorite cartoon as a child?, 10. What about your favorite movie? and 11. What is your most vivid childhood memory? 

* First image found on pinterest. Because like Kirsty said, blogging should be a conversation. A chat among friends. Second image from here.

Not a fashion blogger

 I have a confession to make. For all my talk about not really caring about what fashion dictates, I have a soft spot for (some) fashion blogs, that I check kind of regularly. Those are StyleScrapbook, by Andy Torres, a Mexican girl living in Amsterdam and The Blonde Salad, by Chiara, an Italian girl that seems approachable, funny and even a little bit clumsy, who happens to love road trips too and has a cooking show. I have to say that I find Andy's style too masculine for me (in that I would not wear her outfits, and she rarely wears anything that you would consider "girly"). And yet I find myself going to her blog over and over again. It struck me one day that it was the photography that I liked, so I keep checking.

  Anyhow, last week StyleScrapbook, together with Canon, hosted a StreetStyle competition. All you had to do was send (as many) shots of yourself and hope that you would be shortlisted. I only entered because the main prize was a Canon EOS M (I love that camera). And well, maybe the 5-year-old in me wanted to pretend to be a model for a while. So I got the boy to play along and take some pics of me while I awkwardly posed.

Apparently I really have no idea what StreetStyle means. I thought the term came from "Style from the Street", as in, things you would actually wear to go out of the house. Or outfit photos taken in an urban environment, by cool buildings, parks, crossings... Judging from the photos that got shortlisted and displayed in the album Canon created for the contest, in order to be chosen you had to try very hard to impersonate Lady Gaga. Or wear as many random, uncoordinated items together (like your pijama pants, with heels and a Rolling Stones t-shirt). Sure, as was to be expected there were many shots that were real good. But some of the shortlisted pics were kind of bad (worse than our amateurish tries) and they still got chosen. I was kind of disappointed that the people from Canon did not pick 250 photos for their shortlisted entries as they said they would in the terms and conditions. Instead, they chose only 142 photos as real entries. I don't know what to think. I saw people trying real hard with their outfits, so hard that it felt unnatural or a bit fake (to me). I had a "Who wears that?" reaction to many pics but I guess that just really proves I am not a fashion addict. BTW, so much for picking original outfit shots. I saw at least 4 girls wearing vertical black-and-white striped pants that the fabulous Zosia Mamet (who plays Shoshana, in Girls) wore before.

I guess I will take all of this as my own social experiment on rejection therapy. Did you hear about the guy who has decided to put himself up for rejection by asking totally random things to people he meets? He does things like ask to borrow 100 USD from a stranger, or a flight attendant to give an announcement during a flight, or to get Donuts in the form of olympic rings, so that when he actually gets rejected in real life, it will not hurt that bad. It's an interesting concept. You can read about it here and here.

What about you, are you into fashion? Am I silly for even thinking I could stand a chance at this competition? (Of course I did not expect to win, I am sure our photos are not that good, we are still learning, but I just wanted to play...) Or maybe I should have not tried to pretend and sent something more spontaneously me. Like this. Oh and you can see the winners here.